Alice

~ Fights

The world is cold and dark.The darkness’ eyes are starring at you,they don’t Stop starring.

It’s starring at you,I can see it in your eyes,I can see it in the way you are starring back.You’re just sitting there,beside me.You didn’t say anything since you’re here, since you awoke.You slept a long time,we feared that you would sleep forever.we feared we would never manage to wake you.There was so much blood.Sweet,warm blood.Your blood. You were covered in it,from head to foot.I washed it away,but you didn’t notice.You are just sitting there,starring into the darkness.I know what you’re thinking.You’re thinking that you’re crazy again.You’re thinking,I do not exist.You don’t want to belive I am here.why not?

Because that’s what they told you,the people who caged you like an animal.In their white house were they made you silent? There,where they poisoned your food so you’re falling deeper and deeper,you’re thinking you’re crazy, you’re trusting HER.

Do you still trust her? No,I know you don’t trust her.You made her silent.You recognized who she was.Late,but not too late.It helped.I have helped you.

I’ve been stalking you for a long time.I know your moves,I know every facette of your face.

I changed the pills,so you could flee, I followed you, I was carefull,so they wont get you.

I’ve seen how you went to this boy,not even a man. I saw that you wanted something from him,and I saw what you did to get it.I saw your disguise and you hateing  yourself. But no fear.I’ve never seen you feraing anything.You feared beeing crazy,but It was not your fear.

It was the fear of the others,what they told you,what they made you believe. They planted this fear deep inside of you, They did this until you believed them.

And then they said you’re nearly cured,after they drove you mad.I’ll never understand this humans.But you are different.

You are just so different like the others. That’s why its worth fighting for you, so you can fight for us.

Our destiny in your hand,you’re silky hands.Why did they do this? I don’t understand. I don’t want to undrestand. They wanted you out of the way,they still want it. You’ve seen to much, you’re knowing us to well,you know how  we think.You’re thinking the same way,but different.

You’re a danger for them.You know how to change everything, you could manage this.And they know it.That’s why they sent her.but you fooled them. You killed her and sent them,without knowing it, a message.

You are a fighter. You did fight,you are fighting and you will fight,won’t you?

You’re just sitting there,youre still not feared.you’re sitting there in this long white shirt, covered in your blood,your legs close to your body and your arms around them. I can see the white band aids  bloodstained around your wrists. The glass broke when you fell, cutting the old wounds.

You seem like you’re relaxed, but you cant fool me, I can see it . Every single limb is strained like a cat, waiting for someone making a wrong move,a noise, and then disappearing in the shadows for forever. You still hide from my looks. You are ignoring me. For you, I am not existing. But you know I am here.You can feel me,like I can feel you. Your aura, your soul. It is there, and its so powerful,so pretty.I can feel it, I can feel that you’re absolutely wanting it . You’re starring at the darkness. What are you thinking? Are you still thinking about the secrets which are hidden from your eyes? Darkness coming down like a body bag hiding secrets. Deadly sweet Darkness. Your hair is blurry, but I can see the fine line seperating the night from your hair. It is standing in front of you, talking to you,but you are starring through it. I know what you are thinking.you’re thinking,that you’re not crazy,that there is no white rabbit, but I know it better. You have to be crazy to stay alive in this world. And you always stayed alive. You are a fighter, Like I am, like he is.
Wher do I know this from? We have to be crazy, otherwise we wouldn’t be here, would we? Isn’t it that what she told long long times ago?the tigercat? The chesirenurse? You are still starring through it. It tries talking with you again and again, but you don’t hear it. You blended out your mind. Your eyes are still red, still glittering dangerously. I know you feel the pain. You don’t want to feel it any longer, you want to go back. Back in the world which we snatched you out,  saving your life. You think you don’t want to live, you think we should have let you dying.

But deep inside, you’re knowing it. You allowed us to save you. You fought.

If you wouldn’t have had allowed it, all our trying would have been useless. I can see it, you are still fighting.you are fighting deep inside yourself.
You are fighting against yourself and for yourself and this time,I am not able to help you, no matter how much I wish that I could help you. I want to help you,but this is your struggle.

Your struggle against yourself. Against the voices inside of you which are making you starring on the broken glass on the ground, letting your fingers getting it.

You tremble. Trembeling because of fear? Because of yearning? Because of the cold? Or because of you’re losing?

I don’t know. You are fighting. You are still fighting. Quiet and lonely against yourself,in the dark,lonesome allyway.

Your eyes are closed, your lids are shruggring. The only thing left to do is waiting. Waiting and hoping you will win one more time.
 

Special thanks to Vera for the translation <3